your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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