I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
