I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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