So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want to fling myself into the sun
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
