You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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