; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
