just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
