I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
