I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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