Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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