Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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