Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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