The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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