even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm too high and old for this...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
