you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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