So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
