Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
