I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
