Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
