no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
