I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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