Did you just see the Batmobile???
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
