I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
