Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
