Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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