your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
