I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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