Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
