You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize