Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
