The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
