Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
