the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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