the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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