He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
