haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
