**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
