dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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