I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
