Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
