am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
