Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
