fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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