I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
