Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
