you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
