so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
