You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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