You're so nebulous sometimes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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