Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
