So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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