Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
