Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
