I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
