i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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