you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
