I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
