And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
