Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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