Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I CAN MOONWALK!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
