Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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