Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
