My pussy is not your playground.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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