I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
