That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
