Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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